Stepping into the Real World

Hello, my friends!

It's been a loooooooong while since I last posted here and I'm back...for now.

So what's keeping me extra busy these past months? Well, I've only started college and I did not expect that it could be so stressful. A lot of things happened to me, and that includes me, almost *cough* falling in love *cough* (hahahaha yes... i hope mother won't see this) TAKE NOTE: ALMOST. That means I didn't fell 100% in love. And me adjusting to the college culture. What do I mean with that? I only realized that highschool is a lot different than college, trust me. Especially for me because I came from an all-girls school and suddenly jumping to the real world with boys in it. Err yes, I highlighted that because I admit that I didn't have a lot of experience in highschool involving boys such as having social interactions with them, face to face. I did have guy friends though, but none of them ever got close to me personally.

Let me tell you my story about some things that happened in my first and second-half semester in college, as an Engineering student with zero experience on handling computer hardware stuff. I'm not going to tell you everything though, since some of the things are quite personal. At the start of the first few weeks, everything's going so well. I met a lot of new friends, I encountered new things, particularly a lot of adult things. No don't worry, I did not try drugs, and never ever will. I did party a little though. (Shhh, let's keep it a secret from adult people around, hahaha) And my oldfriends know that I am not a party girl. Promise. And because I met a lot of new people in my university, that includes people my age and people a little older than me, it made me think that I am capable of doing things I've never tried before. Like this one, I've chosen to be a muse for basketball team of Eng'g Society (one organization at my university) AND DUDES, I. DID. NOT. SEE. THAT. COMING. AT. ALL. Not to brag about it or anything, but honestly, there are other girls out there who are completely perfect for this title, I mean it's not like its a big thing in college though, but for me it is. It was such an honor that this happened and I accepted it because I was thinking, I could meet more friends because of this, and also, it could be my one big step of having a little confidence, since I developed shyness when I stepped into college. But guess what? the people I met? my new friends? they are the ones who made me feel like I somehow belong to the real world and that somehow I could do things I didn't think I was capable of. So yeah, if ever some of them are reading this, it might sound cheesy, but THANK YOU. For believing in me even if we just met.

Moving on, I told you guys i took Computer Engineering as my major, right? And so far, so good. Yes, I'm starting to like it and i'm slowly adjusting to the new atmosphere. I think I do belong to this field, after all. I can already see myself working on a technology company a few years from now. I just hope that I could overcome all the challenges I'd face through college. Godspeed to me...

Maybe there is a reason why things happen, after all. And often times, we don't see it coming. But sometimes I wish I knew that reason. My faith in God has never changed throughout the years and I believe that He's the reason why these things that happens to me occurs. It's not that I blame Him for the flaws and the bad things, it's just that I think it's all part of His plan for me. I can't really say that I'm a hundred percent sure about this, just to be clear, all of these are just what I think. All that ever happened to me recently are lessons, I think. Lessons that are yet to be learned. That includes me, falling in love in a wrong time. I wouldn't say it as "falling in love" though, since I'm quite aware that whatever happened that time wasn't "love". Most people my age are still in the stage of curiousness and with our raging hormones, we do things recklessly because some of us wants to experience the things we didn't know before when we were innocent. I'm not saying that I do clumsy things a lot, it's just that sometimes we can't stop things from happening because we also want it bad to happen.

So my advice? Do what you want to do. Do what makes you happy. Get out of your comfort zone in order to see what the world really is. It's scary, yeah. But heck, Life is full of surprises and you'll never know what awesome thing might happen! (that includes your crush noticing you)...



Good luck!!!
Always,
-AJ ♡
x

I'M GOING TO COLLEGE

HELLO!

Guess what? It's June again and you know what that means... BACK TO SCHOOL!
(well, probably just in my country, where summer is April til May)

Technically, Im going to college now. I'm going to University of St. La Salle, Bacolod City, just an hour away from my home. I'm going to be taking up Computer Engineering. And to be honest, I'm really scared as hell. But I'm excited too... Both at the same time. But Im going to tell you what happened to my first day at uni. It was Orientation Day and I get to meet my new college friends.. Take note that I really suck in making friends, and I had to have the balls to approach some people because like other people, I don't want to be friendless.

Before that day, I looked up some of my classmates on Facebook. I found this girl and based on her profile, she was a fangirl as well, only a KPOP one. But anyway, I messaged her, asking if she was in my section and can we be friends, stuff like that. Fortunately she's nice as heck and we became instant friends. The next day, Orientation Day, ofcourse, we met. Thank goodness I remembered what she looked like, I then saw her. I told her my name and asked for hers, bingo. So we seated beside each other and made friends with some of our classmates for the semester. She's incredibly friendly, yet there I was just seating and smiling (awkwardness overload). I tried my best to be friendly, but my anxiety kept on attacking me, literally. But I made friends. I met her guy friend, which was from the same school she was, and another two from different schools. I was very nervous I just kept quiet, but these new friends of mine were incredibly nice. They would say funny things and I became a little less nervous around them. I just hope on the first day of school, anxiety wouldn't attack me like hell, and that I wouldn't be super weird around new people...

I realize now that like me, most of us are just trying to fit in. It will take some time, but atleast you'd make some new friends at the end of the day. I really hope that I'm going to survive this whole college thing. Yes, it wouldnt be easy, but I know it will all be worth it.

To all of you going to college out there, good luck!
May the odds be in your favor.

Always,
-AJ ♡
x

P.S. I probably won't be blogging as much while in college... so yeah.

Reflective Early Hours of the Morning, After Midnight and Before Dawn

^Probably the longest title ever on my blog? Hahaha

It's Saint Mary Mazzarello's feast day today, May 13th. (It's special because my school is named after her.)
And my village is also having a traditional mini festival, which is also every May 13th of the year.

This post is going to be a little different... a little bit personal... a little bit about my life.

Turning back on my last year of highschool in St. Mary Mazzarello School, I must say that I did changed. Changed for the better. It is where I met a lot of different people, but mostly girls. (Obviously since it's an exclusive all-girls school) And yes, you could say that I have a minimal experience of being with around boys. I do have two brothers, but it's completely different. All five years of my life in school, I was surrounded with girls the whole time. (I transferred there when I was in 6th grade until senior year)

At a Retreat House; This is a prescribed uniform that we should wear on Fridays.
(messy bun because it was hot)

When I first came to SMMS, I instantly liked it and felt a little déjà vu. I was shy though, because I was going through awkward phase at that time... and I didn't have friends. As my first year goes, I was experiencing a lot of new things. I had frenemies (enemies that pretends to be your friends), I was going through adolescent stage, I had trouble adjusting to the new environment, because coming from a co-ed private school entering an exclusive all-girls school run by FMAs was a whole new big thing for me back then. (For those of you who don't know, FMAs or Salesian Sisters are a religious community of women who live together in the spirit of Don Bosco and Mary Mazzarello, or nuns as most of you call it.) But the most important and special thing that I wouldn't forget about this place, is that I met my second family in life. I had sisters, 52 sisters to be exact. (yes, we are 53 in one classroom, including me) As a class, we have this odd and very random thing about naming our section. One of my classmates, and a very close bestie of mine, came up with a theme of a captain. As in Captain America from Avengers. Therefore we called ourselves as "CapTENs". Because we're "captains" of our lives and we are in "grade ten" (I really hope you get this... hahaha) Anyway, my teachers there were also like my friends that I can hang out with when we're outside the classroom. It wasn't a typical school where you had to treat your mentors like they grade you all the time. In fact, my friends and I used to hang out with several teachers every recess or lunch breaks, or even after classes. And our principal is very fun to hang out with, as well. Believe it or not, we were at the principal's office multiple times, not because of a disciplinary action, but because of talking to the principal like she's just one of our bffs. We'd talk about certain things like "...sports festival this year will be awesome...", "...prom this year would be unforgettable...", laugh about what happened in a school event in the past years, that kinds of things, and sometimes we'd ask for advice like if we were having a hard time in math class, or "a friend of mine isn't talking to me..." or any other psychological stuff. Our principal is a Salesian Sister so it's not really that difficult for us to open up to her, or to other Sisters, and tell them how we feel. I think I can say that unlike in some public highschools, we do not tolerate bullying or any forms of hurting each other. We do have some glitches or "dramas" between some of us, but not that big that can't be fixed.

MY CLASS. BATCH 2014.
(That's me with the circle. This is our uniform for three days every week.
 I think we are incomplete in this photo, though...)

I guess all I'm trying to say is, sometimes the best people who come to your life will not be going to be on your side forever. But it is because of this place that I found myself and knew that I was capable of a lot of things. I had mentors, of course, that taught me not only lessons in class but also lessons in life. And trust me on this, the best mentor you could ever have is God. He may be invisible, but He is there, waiting for you to talk to him every night before you sleep, listening to your struggles in life, and watches you over the years. (Or maybe your guardian angel does.)

Time goes on and you have to move on. And all those awesome years in SMMS won't come back. I am exceptionally blessed to meet these amazing people in my life who I can consider as my sisters. I may meet another set of new people as I step into college, but they will always have a place in my heart. Yes, all of them. Even though my heart is as tiny as my fist, they all fit. I want to tell you everything about my experiences in highschool, but one blog post wouldn't be enough...

So, what else can I say?
Treasure every moment and, of course, CARPE DIEM. (Seize the Day)
God bless and good luck.

Always and forever,
-AJ ♡
x

British Shopping

Okay. I admit.
I WANT TO GO TO PRIMARK SO BAD.
There. I said it. In shouty capitals...

I want to go to Oxford St. and take a look of Primark and maybe go shopping there. I discovered this place from different youtubers and knew that this place is absolutely AH-MAZING. I swear this place is every girl's dream. And it has been my my dream too since I learned about it.

I think that this is London's version of Forever 21 plus Urban Outfitters in one, but with a good price on products. That's another reason I want to go there. I do have a lot of places/stores I want to go to. But this place is definitely on my top places-I-should-go bucketlist at the moment.

I should be leaving the store like this when I visit there. ^

AND another one I'd like to visit is the rad store of TOPSHOP. That place is cool as heck, too.

Honestly, all I can do for now is sigh and look at this photos.

(It sucks not to be able to visit these stores. Or go to London.)

Always,
-AJ ♡
x

Heart + Break

Heartbreak is something most of us can hardly handle. It's something that we avoid, something that triggers us to do reckless things, something that can change ourselves and our lives, and something that can shatter us very badly.

Personally, I've never been hurt entirely in my life. Maybe just a few glitches along the way of growing up and discovering myself as I hit puberty, but not that kind of pain that can kill you from the inside, literally. But I did knew it, somehow, by watching someone in front of me break down into tears and experience true heartbreak. It was awfully terrible just watching that person let out his/her feelings and you just stand there dumbfounded, not having an idea on what to do.

To be honest, I am that kind of person that when someone cries in front of me, I don't know what to do. I'm very awkward on handling those sort of things, but I do try my best to comfort that person. I'm not an expert as well in giving words of wisdom to make them feel better because I know a thousand words wouldn't heal them physically and emotionally.

But, no matter what, I would always care about these people who go through with this kind of situation and will do anything to help them in their battles to find their way back. Like I've always said, life isn't perfect, and it never will. We experience ups and downs, like having a broken heart. But through that, we live life. What I mean is, going out there and falling in love, hard, and then having our heart broken is one of the many ways how we can live our lives to the fullest. They say we only live once, I disagree. As a matter of fact, we live everyday. We wake up everyday and face the world, having another chance to see it's beauty. And we die once. But it doesn't mean death could be the option to our problems. It never is.

all photos are from tumblr.

Hold on, angel. Pain will end.

Always,

-AJ ♡

x

(This post is dedicated to my bestfriend, Belle. Restez forts.)

HATE

"U suck"

"You are worthless"

"B*tch, slut, skank, ugly, wh*re, fat"

These are just some of the things I saw around the internet. People always seem to get use to the fact that they can judge however, or whatever they like to people whom they do not know at all, or maybe if they knew them, they won't stop sending him or her hates by saying what they want and posting it on the web. It's not like I'm saying anything that can offense them, and they also have a right to express their feelings. And so do I. Me, an ordinary person that somehow received hates in the past, a girl who has also feelings, a woman that doesn't like to get involved on fights, a human being that could also break down. But I'm sure I can't be the only one who has faced this kind of trouble in life. After all, this isn't a perfect world, and no matter what, we all break down at some point, maybe cry at night, and feel depressed. And that's life, right? It's perfectly normal to experience these things, according to society.

But let me, just a nobody, ask you something. Do you really just want to stay in your room all day, crying and recalling in your mind everything that said something bad about you? Do you want to avoid everyone just because you've once experience how it feels like to get bullied? Do you really feel like you have the power to judge every person you see and you think you can make them a little less important in the world? Do you really feel like you can crush their feelings and if they break down, does it makes you powerful, and famous, and noticeable?

Think twice. Don't let your demons get to you just because you feel like no one understands you. I'm pretty sure we've all been there before. And never lose hope. You could probably lose everything, but keep your hopes up. Remember, saying bad things to others doesn't make you a better person. Words can hurt badly. I've learned this from experience, and from experience of my close friends. If you think you could be powerful from putting people down, it's like the other way around. There are about 7 billion people in the world, why let ONE of them bring you down? God didn't created it perfectly, but He gave it to us to let us know what the real meaning of "Life" is, and from that, we slowly learn our lessons and discover our true selves.

If you feel like giving up, pray. Believe me, it may seem like nobody is listening to you, but there is one who certainly does. God may not give you exact answers that you want, but He thinks a better way for it.

Keep your heads up and stay strong. I might not have said anything that can change your state right now, but please, don't give up. Sometimes we may have to put our prides a little lower so that it will bring us to a better situation, a peaceful one. Don't let you inner devil dominate your whole being just because you feet like you are losing. Never ever lose hope. Remember, we aren't perfect, and it is okay to cry and let all your feelings out, but don't let them get to you. Trust yourself, and most of all, Pray.

Stay Strong, angel. And good luck.

Always,
Anne Janelle ♡